Marketing Rant

So I love being a coach.  I love talking to people. I love helping people, one on one and I love learning new ways to be better at what I do.  I have been told I am very good at what I do, not just with coaching, but with teaching and explaining and making difficult topics easier to understand.  This is what I love. This is what I want to spend 60+ hours a week doing. If I end up getting another divorce because my wife feels abandoned, if my children are scarred and end up in therapy because Daddy was always working, I want it to be because I am doing something I love, something I am passionate about and something that helps the world.  I don't want it to be because I was slaving away at a job I was miserable with in order to provide for my family. I don't want it to be something in-between either. Hell, I want my wife and children to wish I would GO AWAY sometimes because I am constantly home or dragging them off to do fun things with me.

So where am I going with this?

​Well, I love what I do, but I hate some of the things I have to do in order to generate new business.  Specifically, I HATE marketing. I have tried reframing it, tried having conversations with myself about how sometimes we have to do things that we don't enjoy.  I have tried making it a fun activity. I have told myself it's not marketing, it's building your reputation (yeah, that failed almost immediately). I have tried almost every imaginable way of making this unpalatable task more palatable.  I have even tried to hire my 12yo daughter to be my "Social Media Director" in order to avoid having to take billable hours out of my day to post stuff on Facebook/Twitter/IG/YouTube so I don't have to. It didn't work.
I have determined that I need to hire someone to do this for me.
I don't want to have to:
  • Come up with stuff to post on social media
  • Spend time “Networking” or “Image Building” at events that I don’t want to be at, that don’t make me money or don’t involve seminars in exotic locations.
  • Try to figure out what the best keywords, adwords, and key phrases are for my business website.
  • Figure out how to “Catch Google’s attention” to increase my ranking
  • Blog for the sake of marketing.  If I blog (which I do occasionally enjoy), I want it to be because I have something to say, something to share and because I think it’s something important.
  • Be tied to social media because I’m afraid if I don’t, I won’t get clients or that people will forget I exist.

I need someone who can:
  • Determine the most impactful way for me to show up in social media and make it happen.  I don’t ever want reposted meme’s on my social media, I don’t care how life changing they are.
  • Make my web page AWESOME with all the right keywords, adwords, images, whatever, so my SEO stats go through the roof (or atleast increase in a consistent, measurable way)
  • Help me determine when I need new photos, need to make a new video or write a meaningful piece of work.
  • Determine if I need email lists and if so work through all details involved.
  • Convince me that the whole “making money while I sleep” and “recurring income” are actually meaningful terms in my business (I really want to be convinced, but haven’t been able to so far without feeling dirty afterwards)
  • Make me want to pay them exorbitant amounts of money because the ROI causes me to pray to God in Heaven that nothing ever happens to this person.  Unless, of course, it is because something wonderfully fabulous happened to them and they have an equally competent backup. I would never want to deprive someone of that for my own selfish purposes.

I just need to know if there is a person/agency that is a one stop shop for this and how much I need to invest up fron to make it happen.

TL/DR

I need an awesome marketing person whose cost will be more than adequately covered by the increase in income.